i have my mind made up. i have decided my own fate.
it was always in my hands. i hold the key to eternal peace.
i have cried for the first time in a very long time, today.
i can't keep myself from crying, in fact.
perhaps it's the overwhelming feeling of knowing that my torment shall end.
some feelings flooding back into me, flooding my sunken, tired eyes.
i'm not sad. i'm at peace. i know why i'm crying, i'm not sad.
i am just reminiscing. such a long time, it was, my love...
yet so fleeting. it slipped through my fingertips. if i could change everything, i would.
but i can't change reality. thus, this is how i change. i'll become something otherworldly.
i have no reason to protect myself with apathy when there's nothing to protect myself against, not anymore.
perhaps there will be someone else who i love waiting for me. i must abandon you, my earthly love. i am in too much pain.
it's strange isn't it? i have always flirted with the idea. for years and years and years.
idealised it, romanticised it. it's always what i wanted. alas, i am a coward.
but not anymore. i have no set date, however i have a set heart. i'll know when it's time.
it's funny how when you decide, something shifts in you. nothing matters.
soon, my love. soon.

take me back!