the TWENTIETH of OCTOBER, TWO THOUSAND and TWENTY.

yesterday, i washed the poison down with poison until i threw it all back up again.
i passed out and dealt with the aftermath in the morning. the taste still lingers in my mouth. sour.
i begged them not to take him away, to make me lonely. i'm achingly lonely.
how evil, fucked up do you have to be to repeatedly bring your flesh and blood to tears?
i tear my own flesh up instead. i want to pour alcohol into the pretty, fresh, pure wounds, but that's wasteful.
i'm awfully mindful of the least important things, these days. yet, i can't even feel the things that matter.
i have someone, a real person, a companion. i can't bring myself to trust him. i don't think he trusts me, either.
i can only trust that which i know inside and out, knowing that which is nothing but myself.
real time is so slow. but world time is going so fast. it's unnerving.
everything is disjointed, upside down and splintered. my mind and the universe are in utter dissonance.
i don't know if i'll ever see my day of reckoning, of salvation and ruin.

take me back!