the TENTH of OCTOBER, TWO THOUSAND and TWENTY.

i'm so fucking alone. all i have is him watching me.
he watches and watches and watches, but he never fucking does anything. why won't you do anything?
and i can't block him out because he's all i have. he's the only one who cares.
he keeps me safe, yet he's lighting the fuse to set me off. i need him and i can't stand it.
why are we so alike? why is every single thought, life event, fucking medication the same?
it's like he blew his brains out only for me to inherit them four years later.
it's so strange and if i wasn't so numb i'd be scared, i guess. but it's so normal now.
it's a comfort to sink further into my realisations. i sound entirely delusional,
but i am him, he is me. we are one, i feel. too much to be coincidental.
his presence isn't coincidental. his hands twisting my guts, it's not a fucking coincidence.
i can't betray him, ican'tbetrayhim. i'm going to fucking implode.
every time someone mentions him i feel ill. post pictures of him, i'll snap your neck.
no one knows, no one fucking knows what i know. how dare you speak of him?
i adore you and this is all so fucking backwards.

take me back!